Wednesday, February 18, 2009

An Even Longer Time Ago, In A Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Background for the game on Thursday (with credit to "Scorchy" from SA for the KOTOR 1 recap):

Knights of the Old Republic 1:

The Mandalorians declare war on the Republic; the Jedi council, being sanctimonius pricks, officially refuse to involve themselves, and the war goes poorly for the Republic. Eventually a group of rogue Jedi led by Revan join the Republic fleet and the Mandalorians are finally defeated at the battle of Malachor V. In the process, Revan goes all Dark Side and seizes control of most of the Republic fleet, calling himself a Sith and beginning to fight the other Jedi. Eventually the Jedi Civil War ends with the Republic decimated, most of the Jedi in the galaxy dead, and Darth Revan vanishing into the unknown space...

Revan returns to known space with a case of Jedi-council-induced amnesia, collects a merry assortment of psycopaths, cutthroats, homicidal protocal droids and whiny, angst-filled characters that no one could possibly care less about. Over the course of many adventures, she recovers her memory, kicks her former apprentice's ass repeatedly and redeems herself before leaving for the Unknown Reaches once more.

Dramatis Personae:

-Revan: Ass-kicker. Stronger, faster, tougher than you and dressed like Dr. Doom to boot.
-Bastila Shan: Jedi Consular (read: manipulative drama queen) who is apparently trying to win a bet on how many times she can turn to the dark side.
-HK 47: Assassin droid in a protocol droid's body. Constucted by Revan while she was a Sith. Endless source of comedy*
-T3-M4: T3-M4 is our resident R2-D2 ripoff, except he's 4000 years older and has more of an attitude.
-Darth Malak: Revan's apprentice, went Sith when Revan did and decided that it was way more fun.
-Canderous Ordo: A Mandalorian commander who managed to survive the battle of Malachor V. Lives to restore the glory of the Mandalorian peoples - eventually becomes Mandalore the Preserver.

Knights of the Old Republic II:

The Mandalorians are reduced to small, isolated pockets - a shell of their former glory, the Republic is an absolute mess of civil wars, coups and piracy, the Exchange (the mob) is hunting any remaining Jedi for large cash sums and the Jedi council is no more.

Revan's best general finds himself was exiled from the Jedi order ostensibly on account of his disobeying their directions to stay out of the Mandalorian War. (In reality, he has been severed from the force and really, really freaks them out). Unsurprisingly, everyone refers to him as "the Exile" because clearly no one else has been exiled from the Jedi order before. Except for Revan, Malak, Bastila and half of the characters from the first game. He now finds himself with a pressing need to become reacquainted with the force on account of the two sith lords chasing him across the known galaxy.

His plucky companions:

- Kreia: Imagine Alec Guinness as a secretive, manipulative old bitch. Now, imagine him as a woman. Basically, she's your mother. Have you called your mother lately?
- Atton Rand: The obligatory Han Solo archetype. Hates droids, likes the ladies. Undecided on the droid ladies.
- T3-M4: Revan picked up this utility droid back at the beginning of KOTOR 1 and he's back in this game. He knows everything and says nothing.
- HK-47: Everyone's favourite homicidal protocol droid. Unfortunately he's forgotten everything. Again.
- Bao-Dur: A Zabrak mechanic. Like Darth Maul, except not. Served with the Exile
- Handmaiden: Former student of Atris, a Jedi. She's an albino who likes to punch things. If she had been a midget, it would have completed some magical trifecta.
- Visas Marr: Former apprentice to Darth Nihilus. You don't even have to stick a bag on her head; she already comes with one.
- Mira: Bounty hunter with a soft streak. If she wants anyone to start taking her seriously, she has to stop showing so much cleavage.

Other Peeps:

-Darth Nihilus: Possibly the dumbest (or is it coolest?) Sith name ever. Dude is a living void in the force, eats souls for sustenance, basically.


Dallas said...

Love the background, especially the bit about "droid ladies"... oh and BTW, if you don't upload an image with your blog entry, management reserves the right to add one for you ;-)

Greg B said...

Arm the nukes to deal with all protocol droids...